NOT EVERYTHING’S A WIN

Laurie MacNaughton © 2023

Yesterday I had a long conversation with a woman who doesn’t have equity enough to do a reverse mortgage. Her hours at work have been cut, and her mortgage is now 79% of her monthly income. We mapped out a game plan, discussed options, and I put her on my calendar to follow up with in a few months.

Three hours later she texted me the following:                

Thinking about all that I will have to do to qualify for your reversed mortgage. Your ways of doingbusiness is unfair. I would rather do business whom have a heart to help the needy!!!!

I’ve left typos in for reasons that will become clear.

My first response was shock. Then hurt feelings.

And then? Self-righteousness.

Total, sickly self-righteousness. And, truth be told, a good measure of self-pity.

What does this look like? It looks like, “Helping the needy? Do you know I paid someone else’s mortgage throughout the pandemic?” As in, “Do you know I work 7 days a week helping ‘the needy’?” As in… well, you get the point.

Dyed-in-the-wool, unmitigated, pathetic self-righteousness.

But after a long walk in the woods – and generous Puffs consumption – a semblance of balance crept in.

Not every conversation is a “win.” And you know what? I’m not in this for a “win,” at least not in any conventional sense.

I’m in this to help. Often – usually – even when I cannot help by means of a reverse mortgage, I can still help by providing other resources – a listening ear, a battleplan, an attorney referral. Compassion.

Money is scary. Housing is scary. And aging can be really, really scary.

This woman was so scared she could not frame a standard sentence. This woman was so scared she said things I’m certain she would not have said under normal circumstances. This woman is aging, she’s alone, and she’s facing true financial hardship.

And, for me, simply reflecting on this was truly a win.

For my soul. For my compassion. For my desire to help where I can.