Tag: Caregiver

The cost of bankrolling Mom

by middleburgreverselady, posted in Caring for Aging Parents; A Daughter's Story, FHA HECM, Financial Planning, Laurie MacNaughton, Laurie McNaughton, Retirement Planning, Reverse Mortgage
Laurie MacNaughton [NMLS ID #506562]

The topic under discussion was the cost of aging in America.

“How many here want to leave their kids an inheritance?” Nearly every hand went up.

“How many here are likely to have an inheritance to leave?” Not as many hands went up. In fact, not many hands went up, period.

The speaker, a Virginia Circuit Court judge, wasn’t asking these two questions of just any group; this was an assembly of some 200 attorneys, presumably a demographic with greater-than-average net worth.

As a reverse mortgage specialist, I would make this observation: not leaving kids an inheritance is one thing; having adult children bankroll parents as they age is another thing altogether. Zero inheritance looks great compared to adult children prematurely tapping their 401(k) so they can cover a parent’s medical bills. I know firsthand – I’ve been there.

According to a Pew Research study, more than forty percent of adult children with a parent aged 65 or older helped that parent financially within the past year. If percentages remain constant, the number of adult children bankrolling parents is likely to get worse, a lot worse, because by 2030 one in five Americans will be 65 or older.

This statistic becomes important when talking about reverse mortgage because, for many people, the go-to objection to is that the homeowner might not have equity left to leave the kids. But this is very flawed reasoning…on many counts. I’m going to point out just a couple.

First, current federal guidelines make it all but impossible for new reverse mortgages to deplete a home’s equity. But even if a homeowner were to use all available funds, this likely means there were no other funds to draw from – and that the reverse mortgage was a lifeline.

Second, an alternate scenario is that the parent does indeed have other funds but does not want to consume those funds, which presumably will go to the kids. Under either scenario the kids are the big beneficiaries. After all, every dollar of her own money mom can use to meet her financial needs is a dollar the adult kids do not pay out.

Of course, negative equity is by no means a foregone conclusion. There very well may be equity left for the kids. But is it true there might not be equity left for the kids? Yes. The pertinent issue is that the parent relieved the adult children from draining their own financial reserves – or at very least, the parent delayed the time the kids had to step in to help financially.

The critical nature of an aging parent’s financial decisions are likely to become ever more conspicuous as Gen X’ers themselves edge toward retirement and the solvency of Social Security runs low. Anything a parent can do to remain “self pay” throughout the retirement years is a blessing and gift to their heirs. And, thirty years’ worth of data shows that homeowners with reverse mortgages tend to enjoy significantly greater odds of financial survivability in retirement.

If you have questions about how a reverse mortgage may benefit your loved one, give me a call. I always love hearing from you.

 

President's Club Business Card - Updated Picture

 

Soldiering Through: Men on the Front Lines of Caregiving

by middleburgreverselady, posted in Caring for Aging Parents; A Daughter's Story
Laurie MacNaughton

When my firstborn was barely two she and her best friend, a little boy named Willoughby (really), spent the afternoon playing with an assortment of stuffed toys. While Willoughby practiced drop-kicking the animals against the wall, Jessica sat diapering them. When I fed them peanut butter sandwiches for lunch, Jessica nibbled hers into a rainbow; from his, Willoughby manufactured a gun.

Assertions of my feminist friends notwithstanding, as the mother of girls I firmly believe it is the easy province of a woman to care for the weak, the sick, the young, the aged. And, be it nurture or nature I think these tasks come harder to men. Thus, I have unqualified respect and admiration for what seems to me to be an increasing number of adult sons serving as primary caregivers for aged and infirm parents.

I am just returned from visiting my own mother whose agonizing last chapter is rapidly drawing to a close. Seated beside her, hour after hour, is my oldest brother. A retired Bell Labs particle physicist and former Ivy League professor, this caregiving role is not an easy fit. Yet there he sits, tending her unglamorous, repetitive, relentlessly-increasing needs. I took his place as much as possible during my stay, and invariably he headed for bed in an attempt to catch up on months’ worth of missed sleep.

For my part, when my mother slept I returned phone calls. Back-to-back I spoke with two men, one a prospering real estate broker who, weekends, travels a thousand miles each way to help with his mother’s care; I then spoke with an aging adult son serving as primary caregiver for his advanced elderly father. Not many days earlier an elder law attorney called me in reference to a client trying valiantly to honor his mother’s wish to age in place, despite her degenerative condition.

Then tonight, Thanksgiving night, as I drove home from the airport I took a call. An unspoken universe of sacrifice implicit in the adult son’s one statement hit home in a way he could scarcely imagine: “My concept of normality has gone to pot,” he said simply.

Nothing more need be said, my friend. Well am I aware of what you have forgone to care for your mother. And well I know how meager is the support for a man serving on the front lines in this role as primary caregiver.

Residential managed care has an indispensable function in today’s world. Professional in-home caregivers are invaluable, and hospice a godsend. But rarely are any of these the full solution to aging parents’ needs. It is appropriate that family cares for family – and there simply is no substitute for family.

So men – those of you who diaper and dress and swab and shower an aging parent, who mop and launder and scour and scrub until late into the night: you are an example to all of us privileged to know you.

And if you would like to talk about help financing your aging parents’ needs – or would just like to talk – give me a call. I always love hearing from you.

Laurie

Laurie MacNaughton [NMLS 506562] is a freelance writer and Reverse Mortgage Consultant at Middleburg Mortgage, a Division of Middleburg Bank. She can be reached at: 703-477-1183 or LMacNaughton@MiddleburgBank.com.